ANGER! – Eating Disorder Video #22 | Kati Morton

ANGER!   –  Eating Disorder Video #22 | Kati Morton


Hi there, it’s Kati again,
thanks for checking back. Today’s topic is something
that can sound a little grim. A little.. ugh… But, I want us to have
a lot of fun with it, because it’s a topic that people
can really think badly about, okay, we’re on the edge of our seats,
or maybe not, but, what are we talking about? I’m talking about anger. You’re thinking, “ugh, that’s
uncomfortable, nobody likes to feel angry.” Ugh, you know that feeling?
It starts in your stomach, works its way up till you…
ugh.. You swallow hard, right?
We clench our fists, we tighten, maybe grind our teeth, tighten our jaws. That horrible feeling, right? That’s
why usually, we run away. Bah! I don’t wanna feel it,
I don’t wanna deal with it, I don’t wanna confront that person, I don’t wanna talk about it,
I’m just gonna swallow hard, I’m gonna push it down,
and gonna hope for the best. That they never bring it up again.
And if they do? Boof! We explode. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!”
Blah blah, we just lose it. For the smallest thing. It could be, I’m in the car with my mom,
“Hey mom, I’m almost out of shampoo, can we swing by the store?”
“Honey, we don’t really have time.” “YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT ME,
YOU NEVER PUT ME FIRST!” We lose it. Right? And your mom’s thinking,
“… what the heck?” So that’s why we’re talking about it. Still not quite understanding? We’re talking about anger because the
sooner we can get a little more comfortable being angry, the sooner we
will be able to deal with it, cope with it instead of pushing it down
and exploding later. Does that make sense? Hopefully it does.
So how are we gonna do it? Well the first thing that I’d like to do,
and this is where it gets a little fun, for me, hopefully for you as well but maybe not, is we’re gonna get into kind
of a craft project of sorts. Now this can be really helpful
for some people, and it can be really difficult for others,
so be patient with yourself, it’s okay, we’re gonna grab some paper.
Whether it’s construction paper, printer paper, whatever you have on hand,
you don’t have to run to the craft store or Target or anything and get a bunch of,
you know, “craft” stuff, but just take what you have. So we’re gonna grab a piece of paper, we’re gonna take a red…
usually crayons are probably the easiest, and the ones that I usually use the most
when I’m doing this, a red crayon, and you peel back the paper a bit,
really get ready, and we’re gonna colour that entire paper red. And I don’t mean just
colour like, “la di da”, I mean color like, angrily colour. We’re gonna really colour it. Alright? We’re mad. We’re getting mad. We’re expressing anger. That’s
what the whole sheet is gonna be about. Okay, so the paper’s all red, right? Now, grab a magazine,
grab a pen or marker, write words that make you angry,
things that have happened, maybe people who make you angry, cut out
clippings of things that are frustrating, things that you find make
you angry at yourself, that’s kinda what we’re trying to get at. Usually an Eating Disorder is anger,
that should be put out, is actually directed in. Does that make sense? So instead
of me telling my brother, “You hurt my feelings, all through growing up
you called me ‘Fatso’ and you told me that I was no good and that I’m a retard,
and you said all those hurtful things.” Instead of saying that to somebody, we’re directing it in on ourselves. And saying, “yeah, I am that.
That’s true. I’m not worthy.” “I’m a bad person.
I’m a horrible human being.” We say all these bad things, right? When actually the anger needs to be
put out. Does that make sense? Okay, so why are we making
this weird, ugly collage? Well, by putting things down and doing it
through art, it can be an easy way to begin to get comfortable
with that feeling of anger. That’s kind of why I start with the
crayon and all that roughly colouring, because just that expression, thinking
about things that have made you angry and exerting it that way, can be one
healthy way of getting rid of the anger if we’re not ready to confront someone.
Okay? That’s one thing we can do. Art is a great way to express an emotion
without having to tell anybody about it. I have some clients who have whole
workbooks filled with different collages about fear, shame, anger, guilt,
whatever they feel gives them that emotion, they’re expressing it, and it can kind of help,
it’s kind of cathartic to help you get it out there, right? So that’s one way. Another way, I would say physical activity, but I don’t
mean it in the way that your Eating Disorder thinks I mean it. I mean it in
the way of, exerting that feeling. So sometimes you can take like, a basketball,
and you bounce it against the wall. I’m just standing here, and I’m bouncing
it against the wall. I can bounce it… Hopefully, you’re outside, and it’s a
cement wall, I should preface this, so your mom, your dad, your whoever,
dorm-mates don’t get mad at me: Go outside. Throw a ball around. There’s something about
just that feeling of releasing the anger, can make us feel so much better. I used to
do that when I was stressed out in college, I had a tennis racket, I used to hit this ball, and just hit it from the ground to the wall,
back to me, ground to the wall, back to me, you know what I’m talking about?
Over and over and over, til I felt some relief. So that’s an option. Another safe option,
especially if you live at home, and you don’t really have anywhere
you can go, and they’re gonna wonder why you’re outside kicking a ball around
like a crazy person, grab a pillow. You can scream in a pillow, squeeze a pillow,
throw a pillow safely without hurting anything, a lot of people have little stuffed
animals there are a lot of ways to exert that feeling, that anger.
Does that help a little bit? Even writing angry journal entries,
you can listen to angry music, really loud on your headphones,
really get in the mood. Write a nasty letter to somebody
who hurt you. “You son of a gun. I can’t believe you
did this. What the heck were you thinking. You’re such a terrible person.” Whatever. Right? Go on and on. Go crazy.
Put as much information as you want. Because the more comfortable we get feeling
the anger for a little bit and expressing it, the closer we’re getting to actually talking
to someone about something that hurt us. A confrontation. I know that word
just makes people cringe. “I don’t like that. I’d rather run away.
Ah! Run away!” My friends and I used to joke about that.
“Run away! I don’t wanna deal with it!” But that’s why we start turning it inward.
Instead of confronting a person for something they said, we believe what they
said. And that’s almost worse. Don’t you think?
So give these few things a try. One, the collaging. The scribbling with the
markers, the crayons, right? That’s one way. Second way, like bouncing the ball,
exerting the energy, And that way: I don’t mean run.
I don’t mean exercise. I’m talking about anger distribution.
Right? Throwing a ball, hitting with a tennis racket, things like that, screaming
into a pillow, is another option, throwing a stuffed animal, and listening to
angry music. So there’s quite a few options that you can do. So that we can start to
feel a little okay with that angry feeling. Right? It’s okay to have anger,
people do things that are hurtful, and usually our first reaction to
protect ourselves is anger. So, our body’s response is normal.
It’s okay to feel angry. But we need to find a way to do it
constructively, so this is just the beginning. I hope that’s clear. And like I always say, don’t forget
to subscribe to my channel. So as we go over this more, and I give you
other tips and ways and places and things you can do to deal with different
emotions, you’ll hear about it right away. And also don’t forget to comment below. “Hey that really helped, I tried that,
and that really made it better”, or “Hey that didn’t work at all, do you
have anything else? I’ve tried all of them and I’m still just steaming with anger.”
Right? Let me know. I love the feedback. And don’t forget to follow me on Twitter,
or check out my website, www.katimorton.com, cause they’re great, healthy communities
to post information & journal & maybe vent. “I was really angry today, I got doing this,
and blah!” Right? I’d love to hear about it. So we can continue creating an environment
of support towards recovery. So keep checking back, and keep
working with me, as we work towards a healthy mind,
and a healthy body. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

25 Replies to “ANGER! – Eating Disorder Video #22 | Kati Morton

  1. Love it! Great idea with the collage thing… but I have two concerns:
    1) I probably would end up putting ED pictures on it, of skinny models which make me mad.. not sure if that wouldnt be contraproductive
    2) I think I have so much anger inside me, that I think I would have to use a piece of wood instead of paper. lol
    Then what helped me in the past was playing tennis. I would then just hit the ball super hard against the fence!!! IT helped. But I am not playing anymore.

  2. yes, going for a run, might help too, but for me, it always gets me back to overexercising etc…. so not a good idea. What i do sometimes, when I am driving and I get mad a people who drive like snails in front of me… and u know they just add the missing bit to my anger… I turn the music on and just scream as loud as I can. for only 3/4 seconds… like when i am on the highway… it always relieves my tension inside. And nobody can hear me, so nobody thinks i am crazy… except for me 😀

  3. I don't usually feel anger (well any emotion in general) until I get very emotional and 'explode' for a few minutes for something minor then revert back to feeling nothing. The people around me stay upset but I just go back to my emotionlessness.

    If I were to practice the suggested activities when I feel that I should feel anger, will I start feeling the emotion at the correct times?

    *I hope that makes some sense

  4. I'm always angry, at me at people around me at my job or what ever. I want to believe you are my help and I appriciate that. I'm going to try the angry art!,

  5. @KatiMorton i didnt het the satisfaction from the art that i hoped which is weird cus i love drawing but i think i lost objectivity cus i was just saying its ugly, its not worth calling it an anger art. its a weird thing i have were i always try to make it perfect or at lest be proud of my work. i will try the ball exercise

  6. I tried some of these ideas and they really seemed to work 🙂 I liked the writing idea and the coloring the paper red. I also did some 'art' to express how I felt about my eating disorder I just opened Paint on my computer and channeled my frustration through that.

  7. Wow I cannot remember the last time i screamed! Thank you so much..i'm a recovered anorexic but in recovery developed complications and now have a problem with purging. I have alot of unexpressed anger and although I do alot of art I always do it really carefully…using a red crayon and scribbling felt so good. Its like I'm allowed to be a child again for a bit (i'm 23). Thank you so much. If you need any help with any of your projects/research let me know.

  8. I love going on roller coasters cause you don't look weird when you scream. Even though Im not scared of many coasters anymore it still feels good to scream. Oh how I miss the summer / being younger and not having a job in summer that makes it impossible to get to amusement park.

  9. Hey kati, this video is amazing I will be using these tips as it gets sooo tiring holding all of this anger and pain inside and the Idea of colouring in the pages and having different colours for different emotions is a fantastic idea as I do also struggle with the shame and self hatred, guilt and alot of fear. did you get my message about sill not being able to download the workbook if you would please get back to me about this I would be very greatful thanks again Jess xoxoxoxoxo

  10. I have done my anger sheet and also a happy one trust me the happy one took longer to do!!! I will be taking it along to my psychology appointmnt. I also feel so much better for doing this because I now have something to look at it is not all in my head anymore, (well it is but it doesn't need to be because it is on paper) the happy one in particular I will be putting on my wall at home just as a reminder for when I am not feeing to good I can look and think @ times I am HAPPY!!! thanks Kati xxx

  11. Hey Kati your videos are soooo helpfull. I was wondering, after you let the anger out how do you go about forgiving the people???

  12. I'm going to try this. I just recently cut those in my life that I found toxic or people that have done awful things to me. I didn't say everything I wish I could have. I have this idea that it isnt okay to be angry. I should forgive,forget, and move on. A lot of the times…I cant. Is it okay? I'm always worried that if I allow myself to get angry it'll never end. That Ill be angry, and hurt forever. Could you give more tips on how to deal with anger?Even communicate our angry in a healthy way?

  13. I tried to do that "angry-coloring" thing.. but after a few seconds I realized, that I was just acting… as always. I wasn't really feeling it. So I tried to think of things that make me angry… and started crying… becaus I can't feel anger. The only thing I'm capable of feeling is sadness and that horrible pain… then I felt bad  and too stupid to do such a simple task… so I cried for about 20 minutes, feeling ashamed and sad… so I quit. oh man…

  14. OMG! Awesome! My friend has to see your video. Her parents have always been very controlling, and she has eaten to bury the anger for years. She can't express it, because, she has no way of getting by that hot tempered mother of hers, or her critical father. They are so controlling, that they still treat her like a teenager, they insisted she stay with them. When she got the idea of moving out on her own, her mother said " you don't have any money!!" < abusive. The reason she doesn't have money,.is because she was ridiculed so much throughout her lifeShe is 300 pounds, and still eating to bury rage. She told me " I'm not a person, I never had any rights, I wasn't allowed to grow up, not allowed to have an opinion"

  15. You ARE great !!! I love your listening to this video. Would you like have a look at my channel ? Maybe we could inspire each other ?

  16. I don't want to do that 🙁 I used to be angry all the time as a teenager and I always turned it towards the wrong people: I got angry at my teachers and was constantly arguing with them, instead of being mad at my older sister and my bullying, evil classmates and my toxic friend and the world in general, well I kinda was angry at the world in general….
    Now, I'm scared of feeling that anger again and I'm scared that if I let myself feel it, it will be too overwhelming. Which is why I don't want to do this task. Maybe in a really safe environment or something…

  17. my mom and I argue a lot. There are always so many misunderstandings between us. I always try to explain what I'm thinking, feeling, why I said that, what I really meant… but whatever I'm saying (or even not saying, because she thinks she knows what I want to say soon) she always hears "it's your fault". And that's not true and I told her so many times I wouldn't blame her. Anyways..she starts screaming, never wants to hear my explanations etc.., tells me to stop talking, leaves the room and shuts the door or tells me to leave the room,.. So the anger is still there and this day is pobably going to end up in one of those where I'm binging and purging 🙁

  18. Hi Kati, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 roughly 2 years ago. Prior to my diagnosis, I’d get really angry at simple things and lash out. Now, with medication, I still get angry but I can manage it.

    My therapist informed me that anger is a choice. And that the people I get angry at do not deserve it. This made me feel like a horrible person. That just the thought of being angry is terrible.

    Is anger really a choice for bipolars or for any other person? Because I do not believe that we chose to be angry. We simply are. However, how we deal with our anger is our choice. We can choose to lash out, be argumentative, be difficult or we can walk out, simmer down first before dealing with the issue at hand.

    Hope you can enlighten me. Thank you.

  19. Kati, that's the third video from 2012 I've watched in a row… and do you know you spoke way more slowly back then? Lol 😀 Still awesome vids, tho!

  20. 😔 i dont have an eating disorder, but this got me crying.
    I have essentially a terminal illness (yeah, I have like 5-8yrs left at best.)
    I was admitted easter AM with sepsis and just got home.

    I am PISSED.
    I am mad that I am dying.
    I am mad there is nothing but "supportive measures" left

    I am f-ng ANGRY that my 3yr old said "when you were in hospital, it was a long time. It makes me sad."
    That I have to prime him (somehow) slowly so that when I pass it doesnt rip his "mind/self" to pieces.

    That I dont have funds for "childcare" when hospitalized, so he bounces around, and I try to delay going.

    That I cannot stop this.
    That I may likely die much sooner.

    —–

    I have tried screaming. Throwing things. What therapy I "was allotted".
    Still mad.

    Maybe its scared/mad?

    But even though this video wasnt made for my situation, it allowed me 8 minutes to cry.
    I will take that.

  21. I can't express how grateful I am for this tips and thoughts. Thank you very very much for your advices. I can mention another tip, that helps me always, my therapist taught me – you need to write about your day using 3 columns, and fill them in that order 1) what happened (facts) 2) my thoughts about it (that will be the biggest one) 3) what do I feel about it (this one is always very hard for me, naming my emotion (it must a basic words – anger, fier, joy etc.) is hard for me, I'm an over thinking type. You can also add a %(then you can analyze what causes what). But this thing helped me to recover from awful panic attacks, it could be hours and days in circle depersonalization-PA-crying-sleeping..

  22. I'd been angry journaling throughout my teens and twenties, then I stopped and felt so much worse overall. Just couldn't find time for it anymore… Now I'm back at it, slowly getting to feel things again.

  23. I'm great at being angry. It is society's problem that they aren't ok with listening to it. There are a lot of fucking problems with the world.

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