[music] I’m going to get a tripod one day but until then I have to live in fear that my camera or my phone is gonna fall over mid video as it did several times in the last vlog. Um, today… what am I talking about? Um, today I wanted to talk about the idea of eating healthier versus disordered eating. A little bit of backstory on this: I’ve been trying to eat healthier recently and I would say I’m probably already healthier than a lot of people my age, um… [rustling in the background] Oh boy look who’s coming down. Stewart is coming down from the fucking fridge to say hi because I’m filming a video. Um, if you saw my last video, then you’ll know he was a huge distraction so here he is to bring some consistent, great quality content. Um, also I’m wearing my boyfriend’s, like, giant t-shirt, and it was his dad’s so it’s even like huge on him so it’s just like a dress on me, which is fun. Um, yeah so I wanted to talk about the idea of like healthy eating because I’ve been trying to eat “healthier” and I find that it’s been really difficult because I think a lot of… a lot of the information, a lot of the like health tracking apps meant for women are specifically about weight loss and getting a “hot summer bod” and being skinny versus, you know, actual health because I think, I think of health and weight separately, I mean sometimes they are correlated but I think a lot of the time, um, Americans especially have a bad [loud banging] Stewart! Why? Why? Why does he do this? Why? God dammit. I hate–hate everything, um, yeah so I think a lot of the time Americans have a bad… [loud banging] He’s slamming the cabinet repeatedly because I’m not paying attention to him every time I wanna film a video he just has to do this. I don’t know why. Just open it ya f–idiot. [sigh] Anyway, so we can ignore that but, um… Yeah, so I found that a lot of the health information and apps that are directed at women are directed towards weight loss and that’s fine if you’re trying to lose weight, but that’s for me I already have a lot of, um, like body image issues, and I feel like I’ve internalized a lot of toxic ideas about like needing to be thin, and needing to look a certain way to be beautiful and thus, like valuable in society which is a message that a lot of girls get, and a lot of women internalize, um… I remember I took like a psychology of women class and one of the statistics was that two thirds of girls under the age of twelve have either wanted to diet or have dieted to lose weight. Which is really scary because when you’re twelve that shouldn’t be on your mind but the fact that this idea is so prevalent, um, and it’s even you know people like especially vulnerable young girls are getting these messages. I feel like it’s super dangerous and kind of brainwashes women to think that their value lies in weight. Obviously, I think I mean that’s pretty… I think that’s pretty well known information. I don’t think this is anything like a new or radical and if so, if it is new information to you then definitely look into it more, um… Yeah, so I definitely have… Ugh it’s a huge bee. Go away! Okay it went away, um, I definitely have a pretty, like, toxic history of, um, like the way that I perceive my body and I get a lot of anxiety about it and I’ve never had like an eating disorder, but I really think that like my mental health and way of thinking about my body and my obsession with my body has been very, very toxic and could easily lead to the behavior, so I feel like the thought process is there but the behavior never–wasn’t– it didn’t quite get to that point which is good, but I always feel like I’m on the edge of developing an eating disorder which is not great but we’re being honest here. Um, I don’t know what he’s doing. So I just… I find it really hard, and it’s… it kind of brings out a lot of those body image issues when I’m trying to eat healthier for being healthy’s sake and not necessarily trying to lose weight but I mean that’s also in the back of my mind and I’m trying to think about it in a healthy way and I’m eating like proper nutrition to fuel my body and feel better about myself and maybe make my mental health a little bit better because I mean obviously if you have like a mental illness or whatever you know that like eating healthy and exercise. Exercising isn’t going to like cure your mental illness but it can help you know? It can lead to some positive effects especially have if you have a B12 deficiency. That’s been linked to depression and anxiety so I think getting enough nutrients and eating healthier I think looking at it in the sense of trying to make your body feel better and thinking of it in a positive way rather than “Oh I feel bad about myself so I’m gonna restrict what I eat in order to lose weight.” I think that’s coming from a negative place But it’s hard when I try and look up resources and information to think about health in a positive way and to make positive steps when it–it’s just all perpetuating this really toxic idea of weight loss for women. And then I’ve seen the reverse where for men apps are a lot about like building muscle and like getting super swole and stuff like that which I’m sure similarly is toxic to men who feel that they need to look a certain way. Um, yeah so I’m curious if you guys have you guys looked into the world of like health food and trying to find information on nutrition and if so, have you run into this problem? And if not, I’m curious if there’s any websites or like Instagrams, or apps, or anything that you use for like nutrition information because I want to make sure I’m getting adequate nutrition and I’m getting all my vitamins and like fiber and protein and stuff like that but I also don’t want to think of it as counting calories or restricting in order to lose weight because for me that kind of puts me in a really negative mental head space. Mental head space is kind of a oxymoron but you know what I mean. So yeah, if you guys have any good tips or anything like that I would really appreciate it and I would love to hear what you guys think and if you’ve experienced a similar problem because the diet industry sucks and I’m pretty sure it sucks for everyone, um, it’s pretty like widespread I mean and that’s not even getting into the issue of the way that in the United States we really limit access to healthy food and we put a high price on healthy foods that only people with generally with more money have access to and like information about health and nutrition generally, is limited to people who are educated and then there’s just issues of like food deserts and fast food being more concentrated in poor neighborhoods and healthier like “whole foods” and stuff like that where everything’s organic are usually pretty much almost always in rich white neighborhoods, especially and they’re pretty expensive so it’s not necessarily accessible and that’s not to say you can’t buy health food at a regular grocery store like Safeway or Bonds or whatever it’s called where you live but it is hard, and I don’t even want to get into all that because that’s a lot to unpack but it’s all connected and the way that the United States kind of promotes unhealthy eating, but also stigmatizes weight gain and also promote–has this huge diet industry where they’re like trying to constantly sell you weight-loss products for making you feel bad about yourself. It’s just there’s so many different layers and so many competing factors that make health hard to attain because we get so many mixed messages about it and so many different things that are competing against our own like best interest so that’s what I think. Uh, just a real light, simple topic. So yeah, let me know you guys think and I’ll see you next time. Bye.