How to deal with a homophobic family | Kati Morton | Kati Morton


Hey everybody! Happy Thursday! Now today’s question actually comes from the livestream and if you haven’t come over to YouNow and hung out with us you are totally missing out. But before I hop into today’s question I want to remind you to subscribe. If you’re new to my channel and you enjoy mental health information or learning about all things related to psychology, make sure you subscribe and turn on those notifications so you don’t miss out! Now to jump into today’s question and the question is; “on the livestream you asked about the LGBT+ ideas”. I did! “What about self-acceptance, dealing with a homophobic family, bullying and gay bashing, how to handle it all and what we can do to ‘save’ our mental health from falling”. I thought this was a great question and so I’m going to try and answer these in order as well as give some general advice. So her first question says “what about self acceptance”?. And I find a lot of my clients in the LGBT+ community struggle with this most because we know that we’re part of that community before anyone else. We’re the first to recognise that. Therefore, we can notice all of a sudden, start noticing things around us and people can be really ridiculous and really judgemental and really prejudiced. And so a lot of that we internalise before anybody knows what we’re going through. And so I would encourage all of you, if you’re part of the LGBT+ community, actually, if you’re a person in general, we should all be practising positive self-talk. It’s something I preach over and over and I know you’re like ‘Oh my God Kati if you say this one more time’, but it’s so important for us to notice how we talk to ourselves, because the whole process of coming out, if that’s something you decide to do – you don’t have to come out, just so you know – but if that’s something you decide to do, we need to feel good about it. We need to be accepting of ourselves and where we’re at and even if we’re just questioning we need to be able to say ‘it’s okay for me not to know right now’. And I know that that sounds like a lot because it is. Give yourself time, journal about it, talk to a therapist about it, talk to people, talk to yourself in a very kind, compassionate way because there’s a lot going on and it can take us some time to process through it all and be accepting of we’re at right now. And a tip for positive self-talk is to start your day with five positive things that you like about yourself, and end your day with another five. And if you’re having a really shit time I would encourage you to keep one of those lists of five things in your wallet or in your purse, somewhere on your body, maybe in your pocket, so you can pull it out and read it and be like ‘Yes, I do believe that those are things about me that I enjoy and that I like’, because all of that just helps build our self confidence, build our self acceptance, and make us feel better overall. The second question she asked is, “How to deal with a homophobic family?”. This I hear about a lot and there are a few tips and tricks I have as well as the thought that maybe we aren’t as close to our families as we used to be which I know is a lot to digest so let’s start at the beginning. Start by having a thoughtful conversation with them. I have an LGBT+ workbook, I’ll link it in the description so you can check it out, but I talk a lot about prepping how we tell people in our lives and come out, if that’s something we want to do, like I said, not everybody wants to do that and that’s completely fine. But a lot of it’s just practising how we want to say it, talking to them, because I find a lot of my clients get upset when they do come out to their parents or their family, and then they expect acceptance right away and unfortunately it can take family members and close people in our lives a while to digest what we’re telling them. And I know that that can be really frustrating because it’s taken us forever to get to this point and then we tell them and we want them to hug us and say ‘we love you no matter what” and all of that, but we have to give them time to think about it, to hear what you’ve said, and we have to be comfortable with giving them that time and space. The second little tip when it comes to dealing with family, especially if they may be homophobic or showing you some signs and symptoms of being that way, is to educate them, give them resources, tell them to check out a certain website or a certain video, or a certain book, or anything, so that they can educate themselves. And then the final thing is, like I said, we may just not want to see them as often. And I know that sucks, and that doesn’t mean it’s easy, but, we’re going to need people in our lives that support us, who love us, who don’t make us feel bad about who we are. And if they can’t come around to it, if we give them time, if we communicate clearly, if we offer up resources so they can educate themselves, they have no reason to not understand where you’re coming from and love and accept you. And so if they don’t, and they can’t, then we may just want to spent less time with them. And the final part of her question, “how to save our mental health from falling during all of this?”, have support , have people in the LGBT+ community that you talk to daily, that you’re in contact with, whether that be a group, whether that be an LGBT+ therapist – there’s a lot of sex positive and LGBT+ positive therapists and people who work out of that mindset – so find someone, start talking to someone, even if that’s online, find a space where you feel safe to communicate all that you’re going through because then we can start feeling better, then our depression and anxiety may go down and we’ll feel like a better version of ourselves, so give yourself the time you need, make sure you get the support when you need it most, and hopefully that helps you feel healthier and happier altogether. Thank you so much for watching! Hope you found this helpful, and leave any of your tips and tricks in the comments because as you know together with your experience and my expertise we get the best result. And I will see you next time, Bye! Subtitles by the Amara.org community

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