Is My Parent a Narcissist? [CC English & Español] | Kati Morton

Is My Parent a Narcissist? [CC English & Español] | Kati Morton

100 Replies to “Is My Parent a Narcissist? [CC English & Español] | Kati Morton

  1. Can you pleaaase make a video on the David, trish, BRANDON, and Jason thing? could trish have bpd? is David a psychopath? is jason abusive and manipulative? I would love to see a video and hear your opinion!

  2. Kati I’ve been wanting to comment you and thank you for adding Spanish subtitles, that gives me the opportunity to show my parents (we live in México) how I feel or how I struggle on some of the topics as someone with bpd, there’s definitely more info on mental health issues on english, and again, I thank you for that!

  3. I don’t know if I’m guilty of some of these behaviors… my daughter is thirteen and we’re having such a difficult time.

  4. Hi, I've recently binge watched many of your videos and I was wondering what the best method of healing would be for someone who both can't afford therapy and are nervous about therapy and finding out that they might not be mentally sane. At the same time dealing with the long arduous fallout resulting from one narcissistic parent and an emotionally incestuous relationship with the other parent and general bullying and emotional abuse from peers consistently throughout their entire childhood. I know you've addressed these things separately but I feel like there must be more people for which mental and emotional problems seem to stack up to unreasonable and highly difficult amounts.

  5. Hey Kati! I was wondering what your thoughts are on seeing a personal counselor at college? I opened up to a teacher about some personal stuff and she was really really kind about it but recommended talking to a personal counselor as she's not trained or equipped to help like they are. Which I completely get! But the counselors at my school are all working towards getting their licenses (i'm not sure how that works/how they see patients when they aren't yet licensed), and another student told me a counsleor who's training will do "more harm than good" because they don't have the experience. Do you think that's true? Thanks for everything!

  6. Hi Kati, I love your videos and whenever you post a new video it’s just the right type of video I need. I was wondering can you make a video on Verbal Abuse, what we can do, and how to cope with it.

  7. This is probably my favorite video!! She haS such wide fan base, and I truly appreciate this video!! It is something that I didn’t have growing up. I am angry at society for not teaching kids this earlier, but so grateful that she and many others are taking the right steps. Narc parents suck the soul out of their own kids. Cope and protect yourself. Much love and good vibes going out to you if you are still reading. ❤️🙌🏽🙏🏽

  8. I was a child of the 60s/70s when these things weren't known about or talked about. I didn't figure out that my father was a narcissist until it was too late to get my life back. I ended up not getting married, not having children, and living alone with no friends or family of my own. My brother too never married or had children, but he brags that it is because he is selfish (he tells this to women on first dates), and that 'women want things' and they shouldn't want anything. Now I am old, grandmother age with no family or friends because I was never good enough to have anything. There is no therapy available for us products of the sixties and seventies because we are considered too old by therapists to change, and we are already at deaths door so therapy won't change anything. I have heard this from several therapists – just keep doing what I have been and don't think about the past because you are almost done anyway. My old age is either going to be torture, or deliberately short.

  9. Hey Kati, long time viewer. Just wanted to say thanks for making all of these videos. They really helped me get started on understanding mental illness. I've been coming off of a failed suicide attempt and learning that I'm not the only one feeling like this is comforting.

    Recently, I've figured that my mother was a horrible parent that left a lot of baggage on me growing up. Those feelings turned out to be true when she told me that I should kill myself so that she wouldn't have to. She doesn't know about my past attempts but those words cut deep. I'm trying to get a job to move out now and I'm never going to speak to her again when I do.

  10. Hey Kati. I feel like I have lost in life and no one truly cares about me. I'm extremely lonely and depressed, suicide is the only way out… Can you help me?

  11. It looks like I’m a little late to the party but here’s my two cents. What my therapist has me do is meditate every morning and then write in my journal. First I write a gratitude section and then I log my emotions, even if all I have to write down is that I’m disconnected and don’t know what my emotions are. She also has me following a diet that helps me regulate my emotions, and logging everything that I eat. It’s time-consuming and I don’t always get it all done but it really helps a lot. She’s also lookin for a second therapist for me who does somatic therapy so we can tease the trauma stuff away from my other diagnosis and make more progress than we have been so far.

  12. Just hearing this makes me want to cry honestly because it fits my situation so perfectly. The only difference is both of my parents are narcissists. It took me a lot longer to figure it out about my mother, so she just may be on the spectrum of it. I'm not 100%.. I do know however that a lot that you said I have trouble with and I'm always talking with my stepmother about. Luckily I have gotten out of the situation with both parents now. I've known my father was one for a long time now, so I've learned coping mechanisms for that. Nothing he says anymore bothers me at all, although the past trauma is still there. It's something I'm working on. My mother, however, is a different story. I lived with her mainly growing up, so there's an immense amount I have to work through. I will say though… That this helped me out. I'm gonna start implementing a few things you said and actually start fully healing. I love your videos! Keep it up!

  13. Thank you for this video! It’s very validating and encouraging — slowly but surely psyching (ha!) myself up to pursue trauma therapy.

  14. Kati, please let me know your thoughts on a book called Complex PTSD, From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. I'm hoping to find an affordable online therapist who specializes in the areas discussed in that book.

  15. What about the engulfing narcissistic parent? I was the neglected, disliked child, but my sister is the loved one….she's 28 and is an extension of my mother. When she tries to break free, things get very abusive. Mum needs her, and won't let her go.

    I was hated and emotionally abused and neglected. Left home at 16. I was not enough like her. I fit the description of this video….but my sister is the absolute opposite.xx

  16. I've ben following your videos for a while but this one spoke to me to the core…
    My narcissistic mother passed away recently. And as horrible a person as that might make me sound, I've never felt so good in my life. That being said I still feel like some things are still not right with me. What you said about gaslighting is so on point. I still question my own reality sometimes…
    Anyway, your video was really helpful, made me realize that I'm not alone and still might need therapy. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

  17. I just found you today. Is there therapy ( not behavioural but to say heal a trama) that is designed for people with autisum? I feel like CBT is particularly bad for people who are on the spectrum.

  18. I don't know if you have already done a video about that, but can you talk about how to recognize a borderline parent?

  19. Hi Kati. Question – Could you recommend a book to read for those of us, who are victims of emotional incest? My father is a narcissist. Mom developed schizofrenia, when I was about 11 years old (younger brother was 9). And now as I look back, I became the substitute housewife/wife in the family as well as the parentified child. My father shared things with me he shouldn't have (his frustations with women, etc). Even after I was 18, he still didn't have an adult relationship with a woman and practically no real friends. He vented much of his frustatrations at me. Once at an event to which I accompanied him, he yelled at me for calling him "dad" (I think he did that because the people there thought I was his tall blond blue eyed girlfriend and he was enjoying the narcissistic supply). I am now married to a good man and I have gone minimal contact, which helps, but the emotional baggage is still there. I still struggle with it very often. I am in therapy (covered by my health insurance), but my therapist doesn't know books that would actually help me. Any good biblio-therapy books that I've discovered have been from therapists who do youtube videos. Please, could you recommend a book for this type of problem. Thank you for your videos.

  20. My mantra: I am a child of light & love, deserving of love & respect. My last therapist made it into a frame for me. Still working thru the process at 60! I send your vids to my niece, I hope they help her, she resists therapy & is so ambivalent about discussing her parents. I now know, I can't solve all problems & have to enforce boundaries for my mental health. Peace & love to whomever reads this!

  21. Hi Kati. I was wondering if you could do a video about alexithymia. I understand it is not a diagnosis per se but a personality trait (or so I've been told) but I wanted to see if you have some insight into how to start the process of accessing those emotions. I have that, PTSD (from 8+ years of trauma) and depression. Or even just talk about repressing emotions and not being able to access them.

  22. My father is a narcissist, and my mother is emotionally unavailable. I'm just recently starting to realize this and work through it. I'm 41 years old and their both still alive. It's great to try to learn, heal and hopefully fix what I can. The emotional problems I've endured my whole life I can stem it back to my parents and upbringing. They've been divorced for 30 years, so I've experienced these effects from them separately. It's interesting how parents that are not actually vile nor typically mean can still create so much emotional trauma. I'm a work in progress.

  23. Getting out of the toxic environment is so important. It saved my life. My mother and I moved ten thousand miles away from my father and it’s still hard but it’s manageable now. Stay strong ❤️

  24. Is gaslighting super common? the more I read about it, the more I realize its happened to me, and the more I see it happening to other people. Is this a thing that everybody else observes.

  25. my mother likes to feel validated by all the chores she does everyday, so because of that, when i was a child she did take care of me but not because she was worried, it was to feel validated

    as i grew up and didnt need her anymore for physical help, she stoped talking to me as a normal person, she barely answers when i talk to her and it feels very lonely
    ive become a codependent adult, i think because of it, as i seek her approval everyday knowing that i'll never get it, but it keeps me from moving on with my life and actually doing things for myself
    i dont have money for therapy, so i have to take care of my mental health on my own, i am actually lucky that i am so self aware of what happens in my head (at least that's what i think, right), that way i can spend most of my useless days in my happy place trying to get strong enough to get out of this situation

  26. Both of my parents are narcissists and continue to be so. I have had to drop everything from my past in order to move forward; finding out that they were narcissists and all the ways that they manipulated and abused me is so hard to take in sometimes. Listening to Kati speak about it, I felt my body crunch up against itself; like a child who is sad and huddles into a ball. I did that. Cause it is true. All of it.

    Healing from it is difficult. And it does take some effort and recognition. Sure, I could work on that Master's degree, or getting that pay raise, or attracting that individual in my life… but that trauma will still be there. Facing it and handling it is difficult. But as I read a lot of Heroic Epics from the past and even watching movies with themes surrounding the dark side of oneself (Samurai Jack comes to mind), it leads to a much better, stronger version of self. Life becomes more focus'd, the body and mind has this unity that is unlike anything one has before, and just breathing becomes less of a push against a stuck door and more of a pull of clear, ocean air.

    …Gah, so much healing to be done.

  27. i think my step dad (who I've been living with since I was 4) is abusive to my mom (emotionally) and used to be physically in some minor ways. I don't know how to deal with this.

  28. I really need help but can't find any answers. What do you do if a person becomes a narcissist because they where uneducated? They can't see the problem and can't learn to change. I am completely stuck, everyone else thinks it's intentional and refuses to help.

  29. Hi Kati. I really appreciate your videos. They are enlightening and supportive. I'm wondering if you could talk about family estrangement. After working with a therapist with issues relating to emotionally manipulative and abusive parents, I made the decision to both move and end contact with my parents. It's been a positive change, but it has also been accompanied by some unexpected feelings of listlessness and loss. I'm wondering if you have experience helping clients through this change or know of good resources/research that might help.

  30. i'm turning 30 this year and it has taken me so long to accept that my father was and forever will be incapable of showing, even feeling maybe, positive emotions.
    i had my two year old son over the other day and he was playing very loudly with a toy car. so my dad yelled at him "don't make such a noise!" and the little guy was just shook and frightened. i took him in my arms and explained grandpa wasn't mean, that's just his way of communicating but he couldn't understand why he was being yelled at. my dad even scolded me for being too soft – i replied "we have enough crude people in this world already". i still doubt he understood what i was talking about.
    thank you for this video Kati!

  31. I love your shirt. I grew up with a Narcissistic father, everything was about him and he took my mother's attention for himself even up until today. It affected my life and I am trying to heal from this. I want to buy that book the Unavailable Father but its sold out everywhere in Canada!

  32. that unavailable father book, would it still be a worthwhile read if you're a man, considering it says on the front for 'father – daughter' relationships? cheers kati, your videos are some of my favourites on youtube

  33. Can you do a video of being a mother to a child of rape? Someone in my life needs direction… I’ve tried to to take her to therapy but sometimes she doesn’t see how she treats the daughter.

  34. Which book would be best for a male (scapegoat) with a narcissistic father? Is the mentioned book only for father daughter relationship?

  35. I definitely agree on the getting out as soon as you can part! Even though it's hard, because we've been trained to adore and worship them, "honor your mother and father", and it can feel weird to step away from them, they will try to manipulate you and whine at you about how you don't love them, why are you doing this, etc. IT IS OKAY TO NEVER HAVE CONTACT WITH THEM!
    In New Testament of the Bible, it does repeat the commandment to honor your parents, but the VERY NEXT VERSE says, "parents, do not promote your children to wrath", meaning they have a duty to not hurt you too!
    I didn't fully break away from my abusive parent until I was in my 40s. The last thing she said to me was, "until you can THINK LIKE ME, I don't want to hear from you". Well, okay! And although it was hard, I missed her, it was the point where my mental health started to truly improve. I realized she doesn't miss ME, she misses the daughter shaped hole in her life. She doesn't have any idea who I am, what I like, and she really doesn't give a flying eff, she just wants someone who will think she is so great, someone she can dress up like a doll and have everyone think she is the greatest mom, when she really wasn't.


  37. I realized my mom was a narc. It only took me 48 years. I did something that changed my life. I wrote a letter to myself FROM my mom. It aplogized in detail for all she did to me as a child. The grief started immediately and so did the closure and healing. I highly suggest it. Ive also gone grey rock no contact. Its been the best 5 years of my life

  38. Thank you, just thank you. I'm mostly speechless because this is the answer that I've been looking for. I question every day whether my bipolar disorder is actually real or if it is just borderline personality disorder with some c-ptsd mixed in there. I haven't responded very well to medications over the last 5 years and I've noticed that as my own daughter grows up, I am being triggered to remember the experiences I felt at her age. One question though, can a trauma therapist assist me with discovering what actual diagnosis I have or are they there specifically to walk through and effectively desensitize the trauma?

  39. Validation is absolutely crucial, so talking to a therapist who can confirm that you indeed did have a rough time as a kid and that it was not okay, can help a lot.

  40. Thank you for your great videos, you are fantastic! Can you make a video over PTSD Abandonment and the difference with BPD (specially regarding treatment), because i been reading it's not the same, even do they are both diseases or disorders of the amygdala gland brain. I might be suffering from one of this disorders 🙁 . Thank you!!!

  41. Hello. Thanks for all the videos make. I really struggle with boundries. Could you also do a video on how best to have the strength to say NO. Without feeling guilty soo much.

  42. I don't really say these things but I only grew up with one parent, which is my mother. She was kinda always narcissistic 💀 but like.. I have to deal with it

  43. Is non physical abuse such as verbal and emotional abuse from your parents a real thing and what kind of therapist/ counselor/ whatever is best for that

  44. GREAT video, Kati! Thank you! this new viral video about using family toxicity for spiritual growth might be also be helpful.

  45. Can you make a video about how to deal with seeing people from your past in public? I always try to avoid people from my past when I see them in public because seeing them always brings back bad memories. It has even gotten so bad that I get panic attacks when I see people from my past. I’d love to see a video about it. 💞

  46. Both of my parents are narcissists. For my well being I went no contact. There is such a stigma around estrangement. Most people see my parents as the victims because they play that role. Thank you for talking about this! It’s really validating. ❤️

  47. I didnt know there was specific trauma treatment. What is the exact title so i can look for one? My parents were both abusive dad physically and emotionally and mom munchusen by proxy. I ran away when I was 16 and have minimal contact now I am 26 and have fear of intimacy issues and also depression. Thank you for making a video to talk about this is really hard and not many people I know understand how much childhood actually affected me. I like to think one day I can lead a normal life. Hugs to others who were abused as kids too ❤

  48. The worst is when you want to leave but this figure makes you believe that you are not capable of living on your own.

  49. Having watched a lot of videos about narcissism and abuse, I still find myself having trouble understanding what emotional abuse is.

  50. I don’t know what to do to be honest. I am living alone for the most but my family still come to visit me from time to time. They are mostly alright now but I can’t help but feel like the neglected child and basically carry him everywhere

  51. I grew up with a narcissistic father who was also at the same time emotionally mainly absent. The relationship I have with him is so deeply complicated and toxic it would be impossible for me to just write one letter or something. So therapy it is.

  52. Teared up watching this. 23 years old and the things my mom did and said to me still eat me up inside. When I’m in a bad place mentally I hear her voice in my head saying very evil, mean things. But the sad part is they’re all things she has really said in real life that are burned into my memory.

  53. Was my mom.. dad enabler .. nobody helped me or helped make me feel safe. I was gaslit constantly !!! My bro was the golden .. he’s passed. I am so mindful & know how many parts of there are me in there. I never had a voice. Went no contact 4yrs ago for our son.

  54. My dad is a sociopath, and I think I'm emotional affected by it. How could this affect me in the future? What do I do to stop negative things to happen because of the way I may think?

  55. My therapist is struggling to do trauma therapy with me as I have bpd and dissociate in sessions any suggestions.

  56. Can you make a video on selective mutism? I think being gaslighted for most of my life caused me to be selectively mute but I can’t find much research on it!

  57. Looks like I gotta leave my parents. I really think both of them are narcissists, but my mom is WAY more narcissistic than my dad. They are manipulative and have guilt tripped me multiple times. I am also being mentally abused. I can never tell them about me bcos they're never emotionally there and like I've been distant. I hope if I do have children, I don't become a narcissist or anything bad bcos I want my children to have the greatest time of their lives and I want to be a good parent💕

  58. I always enjoy your Welcome wave. Miss it when yah forget. 🙂
    And yeh. I write tons of stuff that I never send. But I keep it.

  59. I’m starting to think if mental illness is even real! All people have it! It’s just one of those turns in life! Am I bargaining or denying?

  60. Thank u so much for these helpful tips I am living with my narcissistic Shit hole of a father and tbh he’s not the father figure I needed in my life I really don’t respect him or appreciate him he’s nothing but a Devil that made us and more people feel miserable I gust hope that all narcissistic people die A painful death

  61. Glad I found you! Thank you for doing this. I've been searching specifically for how a narc effects a baby. My sister, 40, AND stepsister, 41, each had their first baby 3 months apart last year. My narc mom is raising my step sister's baby and I'm so afraid for him. I've been cut off from the family after confronting my mother on her abuse in general. I texted both sisters with no response. The way my mom talked about them and the babies behind their backs is super fucked up and they're convinced I'm making it up. She's already speaking hatefully about one and praising the other and no one is seeing this. Please help with a video on narc effects on babies if you are willing and able. Thank you.

  62. I wish you'd do a show specifically on daughters- of narcissistic mothers.
    Maybe consider? Sure seems to be a lot of us out here. I'm not meaning to discount a man's traumas from a narcissistic parent, just so everyone knows. It's just being a daughter is applicable to ne. I'm not a son.
    Just sayin-

  63. i'd love to write a journal but i know my mum would find it and then guilttrip and blame me.. take things away.

    i just want to get out but i cant, im only 15 and i need them to pay for my gender therapy. as soon as she starts providing the therapy then things will get worse, the guilt tripping, manipulation and threats will get worse.

  64. My mother seemed to be very much a narcissist never liking it when I was successful at anything and seemed to like it when I failed, including doing what she could to make me fail so that she could then have control over me.
    I remember when I got my BSc(hons) in Information Systems back in 1992 she seemed disappointed that I had been successful.
    It was also my mother who sent me away at the age of 8 to boarding school some 450 miles away in a foreign country. In effect I left home at the age of 8.
    She took on all sorts of airs and graces in her behaviour after this, as being able to afford to send me to a British boarding school gave her a great sense of accomplishment and status even though it was a deeply traumatic experience for me.

  65. Idk what this would classify as, or how to get help, but my family doesn't want me around them. It can be something as little as me entering the living room and they'll leave the room as soon as I enter. I used to assume they were in a bad mood, but they can go from happy and acting "normal" and then leaving the room when I enter. I tried talking to my mom and I told her I was going to go to the school counselor but she said I wasn't able to. She has filled me with this, what I've learned was irrational, fear of school counselors because she always would tell me that they would call Child Protective Services(I think that's the name of it). They helped my brother get therapy and medicine for his depression, but when I tried talking to her about how I felt numb all the time, she laughed and made a joke about it. I finally got therapy after she saw my self harm and found a crumpled up suicide note that I meant to throw away.

    Sorry for this long comment, I needed somewhere to vent. Aksi, thanks for your videos Kati, they've been a huge source of help for me in so many ways. I wish you the best, hope you have a good day!

  66. My oldest sister is a Narcissist and she married a Narcissist 🙄. My heart hurts my for 4 nieces. So thanks Kati for these tips I will definitely use them to aid my nieces on becoming better people in this cold world. 🙂

  67. Kati, my therapist keeps telling me I should rebuild my relationship with my toxic father who has been emotionally and physically abusive for most of my life. There was a period when I had cut off contact with him completely for over a year, and recently my therapist was really happy that I spoke with him for the first time in a long time. She seems to have a very limited view that Freudian philosophy guarantees that learning to have a healthy relationship with your father will improve romantic relationships, but I think this is backwards thinking if the parent is narcissistic, and my life is better when I don't talk to my father at all. Do you think my therapist asking me to do this is encouraging me to put myself in harm's way? I find it incredibly taxing to be around him even now as an fully independent adult.

  68. Kati, I think it's important to distinguish between different types of narcissism and the parental styles they engender. You mentioned that a narcissist parent might not give "cuddles", however a covert narcissist might show a lot of physical affection just to show they are being a "loving parent". This affection might not necessarily be in response to a need expressed by the child and so just sends more confusing signals.

  69. One of the hard parts is realizing that the narc (my mother) has spread slander and character assignation with her side of the family. It's not fair! She's totally tried to destroy my reputation. My dad's (passive parent) family saw right through it all right from the beginning. They also get worse with age! My mother is 79 now. I have not contact. The nice thing about age is that some other family members start to understand.

  70. i saw a video on re-mothering and my god do i always question whether im right to think negatively of my parents or if im just exaggerating 🙁 i question everything, ive been gaslit so much 😔

  71. My mother is definitely narcissistic I I got into a big fight with her today I was winning the argument so she told me to go to my room used to leave alone as a young child I brought that up oh my gosh she acted like a three year old she even acted like he was playing a violin she has no empathy for me does not care about my feelings I feel like just leaving go live on the street can't afford therapy I thought about saying this stuff like it Thanksgiving when everybody is around do you think it would be a good idea to confront her at Thanksgiving

  72. Something just happened today that’s made me feel like shit, pretty bad. I’m so glad I remembered this video and decided to watch it instead of going out and finding alcohol which I have been staying away from for years. It’s amazing how validated, hopeful, and empowered I feel right now. 10 mins ago I couldn’t think of other options. Thank you so much. (I have a great relationship with a therapist but this was sudden and unexpected)

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