Quickie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Quickie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire


[YMS] The Walking Dead part 3 review is
out now on YourMovieSucks.org. It will be on YouTube within a week
but you can watch it there early. So I just watched the Hunger Games
and what the fuck were you expecting? I don’t understand why any of you guys saw it. You should be smarter than that. If you liked the first one then you’ll like this one.
If you didn’t like the first one, you wont like this one. Me, I felt like it was just a really
mediocre stupid movie. There weren’t any features in this whole
movie that stuck out as above average. It’s got mediocre written all over it. Now I think Jenifer Lawrence is a pretty good
actor but she wasn’t good in this movie. I don’t know if i should blame the new
director or what but her performance felt really disingenuion. When she woke up from a bad dream and
started screaming I almost burst out laughing. And many of the other performances
were extremely robotic. Most notably Prim. (Monotone voice) Things are so emotional right
now but this exactly is how I’m going to talk. (Monotone voice) This is what the
director is asking me to do. Everything in the movie is explained simply
enough for a thirteen year old to understand. (Sarcastically) Hmm, I wonder why? Not only am I going to point out that Phillip
Seymour-Hoffman has a force field around him, but I’m also going to point out how
everything has a structural weakness. (sarcastically) I wonder if that’s going to
come in to play later. My biggest problem with the movie is that
it was the exact same as the first one. It wasn’t the Hunger Games 2,
it was the Hunger Games Again. Every single event that happened up until the
last five minuets of the movie is a carbon copy. It even starts with Katniss and Gale hunting. Again. And holy shit, when she started hallucinating
it was the cheesiest fucking thing. Another funny part in the movie is when they’re at
the funeral of someone that died in the first movie. Everything gets really artificially dramatic and all
the sudden one old dude in the crowd does this: ♪♫ (Whistles) ♪♫ But for some reason people get beaten up
for doing that throughout the whole movie as long as they’re not in district twelve. When the people in district twelve do it, its showing
thanks, admiration and goodbye to a loved one. But as soon as anybody in a different district
does the exact same thing they’re like “no we gotta beat you up you’re
part of the rebellion.” Despite this movie being a carbon copy
there were not nearly as many annoying characters in the first movie. The old woman who didn’t talk,
she was really annoying. The crazy lady that just kept going
“Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock”, was also really annoying. Considering we’ve seen pretty much
everything in the first movie already, I was kind of expecting them to just
brush past some of the scenes. Ya know, let us know that the events occurred
without showing them in full length because we’ve already seen it. But no its apparently just as important
the second time. And I love how the characters were like,
“oh, now were up against people that have also been winners in the hunger games so
now its super dangerous.” But wouldn’t you know it, everybody that
shows up to kill them just immediately dies. Its really difficult to make me feel as
though the characters are in danger when everything’s so god damn convenient. Oh no, the fog is slowly rolling towards me. I’m going to stick my finger out and touch
the very edge of the fog and be like “oh no, ouch ooh its poisoned” and roll around for fuckin’ like five whole seconds, “but the fog hasn’t caught up to me yet.
And by the time I start running and tell everybody else to run the fog is fucking
twenty meters away and we have a good chance to get away even though
I just touched it with my fucking finger.” And it keeps happening throughout the scene. One of them gets slightly engulfed
by the fog but not really. Like, not enough so that they would die,
and the fogs like “I’ll just wait here. You can have a head start.
Don’t worry, I’ll catch up to you later.” And then when everyone’s too injured to
move the fog stops right before them. And before you can even ask “hmm,
I wonder how they’re going to do the rest of this movie when they’re so
horribly injured like this?” Katniss sticks her hand into a pond
that’s right next to her and goes “uhh, it helps. Uhh, UHH, it hurts but it helps.” And then they fucking just swim
in it and its all better. All the fucking boils on their
skin are just gone. It was a really really funny scene, though. Come on people, this movie is so fucking cheesy. When Peter runs into a force field and his heart stops
and they have to do CPR on him and then shes like “Is you heart fine?” hes like
“It is now.” Get it? Because the heart is the human
symbol for love and he loves her so hes secretly saying I still love you. But why didn’t the cannon go
off when his heart stopped? For every single other character it
goes off right away. Including the character that kinda
drowned at the beginning. You can save someone from drowning too. So you cant just say that the cannon never
went off because his death was still reversible. Why is it that someone is
allowed to volunteer as tribute, but the same person who was supposed
to go first doesn’t have final say? How come they cant just say no I volunteer? Why didn’t that happen? Oh, that’s just the rules they make and it just so
happens to conveniently fit the narrative of “Oh no Peetas in the games with me again.” The only part of the movie that was any
different from the first was the last five minuets. And it kinda felt anti-climactic. It was just like, oh here’s the end.
It’s the end now. At the end of the movie Jenifer Lawrence just stares
through the screen, glaring down the little girls being like “you better fuckin’ watch the next movie.
You want to see Josh Hutcherson don’t you? Isn’t he hot? We didn’t even make him an
amputee like he was in the books.” So despite this movie obviously not being for me,
I think it knows its target audience pretty well. Even though I found it to be extremely stupid,
chances are it knows how stupid it is and its trying to be stupid so that stupid
people can understand the movie. I’m not saying that if you like this movie you are stupid
but the movie definitely tried to be stupid inclusive. I don’t think anybody should be surprised. Everybody
knows exactly what they’re walking into. And everybody that’s going to
like it is going to like it, and everybody that’s not going
to like it isn’t going to like it. I mean, come on, there was a fucking Justin Beiber
fragrance commercial before the movie started. I’m giving this one a
five point five out of ten.

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